Hello again,
Last time I checked in with you guys it was still 2023. Now we’re solidly into 2024 and full disclosure, January was a blur. What started as a hopeful new year, quickly took a heartbreaking turn on January 2nd.
My mom passed away.
And I’m more than a little heartbroken.
If you read my last post, you saw that my mom had been having health issues. That’s an incredibly big understatement and I’m not going to elaborate further on that. But I will say this. No matter how prepared I thought I was for this outcome, I was not. Not really.
But I guess that’s probably true for all of us, right? No matter how ready we may think we are to lose someone important and special, we truly never are.
And to be honest, I’m still reeling from it. I wasn’t sure I was going to post about it here, but then I remembered how much my mom loved reading my blog posts. She loved this website of mine…the one she always referred to as swill and sparkle. I always rolled my eyes at the fact that she could never get the name right. Ever. But the more she said it, the more it made me laugh.
My mom was such a big supporter of my writing dreams. She wasn’t a big reader, but she loved that I wrote books for kids. No one was more shocked than she was when I initially told her I had secretly written my first book. No one asked me more often when it would be published. No one asked me more often if I had any requests from agents. No one asked me about how many pages I had written. Or what my book was about. No one. My mom didn’t understand the publishing industry. Not really. She was always frustrated at the slow pace. She always thought I should send my books to famous people with kids. Or famous authors. All in the hopes that they could launch my writing career. She was such a mom.
No one was more thrilled when I signed with an agent. When I signed my first publishing contract. When I received my arcs. No one share my book posts on Facebook as often as my mom did. It’s not even close. She was proud of me and she believed in me. Not just because of my writing accomplishments but because she was my mom. And that meant more to me than any of it.
So, today I will share the two posts that I shared on my FB and Instagram pages. Because I want her to have a permanent place in this space. A blog in her honor.
January 3, 2024:
I’m heartbroken to share that my sweet & strong, beautiful mom passed away yesterday.
I’ll see her in the springtime flowers. And in sunflowers. I’ll hear her voice when the clock strikes 8pm. I’ll miss those calls. I’ll miss our chats over tea. Our lunches. Her face. I’ll miss her terribly.
But I won’t miss the pain her body endured for so many years. She was a graceful warrior and an inspiration. She was the best mom. Truly. I was blessed to have loved her every day of my life. But I know she’s soaring with the angels now and at peace.
My heart may be broken but hers is healed. And I know she’s still here with me, with her whole family, with everyone who loved her so much.
February 2, 20204:
A message to my mom.
Mom, today marks one month. No matter how prepared I thought I was. I wasn’t. I miss you all the time.
I hope that you feel sunshine all around you. I hope that you feel calm. I hope you’ve landed in a blessed place, the one we talked about.
I hope you see us doing okay, but also that we’re not. It matters to me that you know both because you always wanted to know everything. And I think you always will.
I hope you feel the bliss of Heaven. I hope you’re surrounded by shimmers… those blips in the universe that might actually allow you to sense what we feel. You may not hear our words but I hope you feel our thoughts on some level… our emotions deep down. I hope they’re telling you what we feel for you. Because you are so very loved and we’re praying that you know that. I hope you sense our hope. I hope you feel our love. I hope you know that we’re thinking of you. That we’re talking to you. That we are sad. But I also hope you know that we’re happy for you…because you’re in the most spectacular place.
I hope you sense when we have a good day. Or a bad day. When we laugh. When we cry. Because you love us and I know you’d want to know.
But mostly I hope you feel surrounded by all our love and it sustains you. Because your love is sustaining us.
