September 2013 Critique Corner

September Stories!

Today is the day! I’ve posted four stories written by four brave writers! Each story sample is posted separately with its own comment box.  Just go to the post below this one to see Story # 1. Keep scrolling down to see each of the other stories after that. If your story is posted on the site, please be sure to make a comment about each of the other stories.  If you don’t have a story posted today, you can still make comments. I’m sure each of these writers would love to hear what you think!

Remember to keep the comments positive. Begin with something you like about the story, add a suggestion if you have one, and end with something else you like about it too! So scroll down, sit back, and enjoy the beginnings of these stories.  I think you’re in for a treat!

But before we do that, let’s hear it for our first four Swirl and Spark Authors: Mackenzie, Riley, David and Adam!!  **claps like a crazy!**   Thanks for submitting. You four are awesome and well on your way to writing amazing stories!  🙂

September 2013 Critique Corner

Story # 1


By, Mackenzie N.       

Mekkena woke up to her tryout day. She was trying out for the Brockport screamers. She was felling scared and nerves because she was not sure if she was going to make it. She was not sure because for the tryouts you need to be able to do cartwheels, handstands, front flip, back flip, front handspring and back handspring. So for that reason she was not sure if she makes it, but she was going to try anyways and do her best. Then, she got up and put on her leotard and then her clothes. She ate breakfast, brushed her teeth, and got her hair together in a ponytail with a bow. Then it came time for the tryouts.

September 2013 Critique Corner

Story #2

By, Riley


          I turn around to see Lea almost at the top of the cargo net.

          “Cass, can you get me down now?” She yells from fifty feet in the air.

          I sigh. This is the second time this week she’s gotten that far. She’s still reaching for the tire swing that is suspended three feet above the end of the net.

          “Lea, are you sure? You’re so close!” Reese’s, my co-counselor shouts up to the little brunette girl who is now just dangling from the ropes looking nervous, as if the harness might snap.

          “Yeah, Cass. Please? I’m scared.”

September 2013 Critique Corner

Story # 3


By, David V.


            I ran as fast as I could, faster than fast, trying not to look in the terrible gaze. I was all alone, no one with me and nothing with me, except a bow and one last arrow. I was losing the battle with death.

Chapter 1 The Beginning

            It all started as a group of kids hanging out after school together. Then it happened.

September 2013 Critique Corner

Story # 4

The Chain

By, Adam Y.

Detroit 2036- “McNabb skating down the ice up on a breakaway approaching the Blazers net, McNabb with the shot, he SCORESSS,” screamed the Rebels commentator.

 I always knew my special chain on my neck gave me supposedly “good luck” but I didn’t think it was enough to have me leading the Western Hockey League in Points, Goals and Assists this season. It’s shaped in a weird way, a semi-circle with a divot on the straight side. I never knew where I got it. My parents say I was born with it, like we all were.